I just attended a beautiful memorial service for my friend Sue yesterday so I decided that I would veer away from my usual writing and write about thoughtful sympathy gift ideas.
Before I left for the funeral, I saw a segment on the Today Show about some horrible floral arrangements that 1-800 Flowers sent for Valentine’s Day. They were a waste of money for some people. The recipients didn’t receive what was ordered. The pictures they showed were pitiful.
This reminded me of how many times I have been disappointed when I walked into a funeral parlor and saw the $100 floral arrangement that I ordered looking small and sparse.
I have since made a pact to myself NOT to send flowers unless it’s in my home town and I can use a florist that I like and trust. If you don’t have one, scout out a florist in your home area. Make sure their design skills and quality meet your expectations.
If I am going to send flowers, I much rather send an arrangement to my friend’s home so that the family can enjoy it there. There will be plenty of other flowers at the funeral home.
I have a local florist that does amazing work. I know that what she delivers will be top-notch. If you need a florist in Columbus, Ohio, Regina of Natural Designs is amazing. Here’s a sample of her work.
Alternative Sympathy Gifts Beyond Funeral Flowers
Over the years I have started to look for alternative sympathy gifts in memory of a friend’s loved one. Some ideas I have come up with on my own; others I have borrowed having been the recipient of some unique and thoughtful sympathy gifts when I have lost a family member. The level of gift depends on your relationship but here are some unique and thoughtful suggestions.
Sandwich Tray
My sister has made arrangements to have a local deli deliver sandwich trays to the funeral parlor for the grieving family to have in between the calling hours. Very thoughtful gift!
Flowering Bushes and Trees
When my aunt (who lives in another city) lost her mother, I googled her address on Google maps and clicked on the tab “find nearby businesses”. I found a nursery that was less than a mile away, called the owner and asked if I ordered a flowering bush, would he deliver it to my aunt’s house for a reasonable fee.
Instead of sending flowers, I wanted to send her knockout roses that would bloom year after year. Her mother was a beautiful lady and this would be a wonderful reminder every time it bloomed. The owner was happy to help.
Locally, I have gone to nurseries myself and have given beautiful pink hydrangea bushes when friend’s moms have died and blue hydrangeas when their dad’s have died.
If a death occurs during the winter, you can give a gift certificate to a nursery or give them a card saying you’ll bring a plant as soon as planting season arrives.
I have been a recipient of receiving plants as a sympathy gift and have been so touched. When my grandmother passed away a couple of years ago, I came home to a beautiful pink rhododendron sitting on my porch from some dear friends.
The girls in my husband’s office not only gave me a beautiful blooming tree but one of the gals came with her husband to plant it for me. These are such thoughtful gifts that keep on giving, year after year.
Garden Sculpture
It wasn’t easy finding one that I liked. I finally found this metal one on Houzz. With it’s spring-like base, it will sway in the wind. If you are not familiar with Houzz, it’s a great decorating app which I wrote about in this previous post. They also have a product search button which is how I found this angel statue.
Picture Frames
When my brother passed away, my cousin sent me a beautiful frame and a touching note telling me to frame a favorite picture of Bob to enjoy for years to come. This was such a thoughtful gift.
If your friend is out-of-town, you can order a frame on-line and have it sent directly to the recipient such as this frame from Crate and Barrel.
Gift of Jewelry
A dear friend and her mother gave me a beautiful bracelet with my grandmother’s birthstone in it. So so thoughtful!
You can also give a gift with a monogram or inscription to remember a loved one.
Homemade Dinner
After returning from my brother’s funeral, my dear friend Jonathan brought a delicious dinner for my family. It was so kind and thoughtful as I was so exhausted.
I did have an “aha” moment that night. When he went to turn on the oven, he decided to use the “convection” option since he was placing trays on several racks. I didn’t even know I had a convection oven! We had only moved into the house six months prior and I never had the chance to pay attention to my oven’s capabilities.
Babysitting
Recently my friend Jane lost her best friend to cancer. I offered to take her 8-year-old daughter for the day of the funeral. I knew that it had to be difficult for Marina to see her mom in tears all week and that I needed to make the day special for her to keep her mind off of it. I created a menu that Marina could select from. I’m not sure who had more fun! It was a delightful day.
Donations Also Make Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts
Of course another wonderful gift to give are donations to the charity of choice by the family. If the family hasn’t designated a charity, you can pick one that would resonate with them.
Specific local hospice that cared for their loved one
Local Animal Shelter for an animal lover
St. Jude’s for loss of a child
Donation to your Alma Mater for a college friend
These are just some options for thoughtful sympathy gifts for grieving friends. Is there anything you do for friends in mourning that you can share in the comments below? I would love to hear what others do.
R.I.P. Sue. You will be missed dearly.
Any of these would put a well needed smile (between the tears) on the face of grieving friend or family member.
Elaine,
Great suggestions. I especially love the idea for blooming garden plants. Good memories through the seasons.
Thanks for mentioning Natural Designs.
Plant a tree in their honor and add a personalized engraved tree tag from A Family Tree – http://afamilytree.com/. They are also great for weddings, new baby, new homes, etc.
Love the idea of a tree with a personalized tag. Thanks Teresa.
I usually send a framed art sympathy gift from http://dulayamemories.com/. This company is in my hometown and the gals there are very helpful and friendly. They attach a sticker to the back so you can add sentiments. I have also sent meals to the homes of the grieving families. I read somewhere that paper products such as plates, napkins, plastic silverware, and bath tissue are needed items because of the extra visitors during this time. Saves on dishwashing.
Great tips Michelle! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much Michelle for your kind words! We have been honored to meet the needs of those desiring to express sympathy in a meaningful way for 22 years – a privilege and blessing to my sister Patty and I.
When a friend’s father died, I went to their house and gave her and her mother a manicure. Because of shaking so many hands at visitation and the after the funeral, a person can at least have beautiful hands.
What a kind and thoughtful gift you gave your friend and her mother. Thanks for sharing!
Very thoughtful & compassionate expressions of sympathetic responses at time of deep sadness ! My husband & I received a Princess Lily plant from a freind when his mother passed away. We planted it in our garden& it blooms beautifully every year. We named the lily Glad after his mother . When checking our garden we often comment on how well Glad is going ! It is very special to both of us and is a wonderful way of a celebration of a past life.
Barbara, thanks for stopping by my blog. I love gifts of plants and trees, especially ones that bloom. It’s the gift that keeps giving and such a wonderful remembrance of their loved one.
We have created Atreeinstead, because when you don’t know what to say at times of loss, let the caring words in this sympathy gift in one say it for you.
A vibrant, beautiful tree benefits everyone in this and future generations and it is perhaps the most fitting memorial of all. Planting a tree is an act of direct benefit to all.
Honor your friends and loved ones with the gift of trees.
Planting a tree is a wonderful way to memorialize any lost loved one.
Planting a tree is indeed a great way to honor a lost loved one!
When one looses a loved one there is a lot they have to do to make arrangements if the loss is unexpected or if arrangements have not been made prior to death. If you know the person really well offer to clean their house for them. They will have many people coming over and they will not have the time nor the energy to do it themselves, but they will appreciate having it done. If you don’t know them well, perhaps offer to hire a cleaning service. They will be able to get in and out quickly, as well as have their own supplies. There is always so much food, but usually no one thinks about breakfast. I often make a breakfast basket with muffins, Bagels, cream cheese, a couple of jellies, OJ, etc. All of this can be bought at the market, homemade muffins and breads are not required. My nephew just passed away in December and a couple of people gave my sister memory ornaments, another sent her a really nice wind chime ( the kind that sounds like musical notes) with amazing grace carved in the wood. The paper goods, toilet paper, and paper towels were very practical and very needed.
Thank you Lisa for your comment and thoughtful suggestions for the grieving. I especially like the idea of breakfast foods as you are right, there is usually an abundance of dinners.
Along with paper goods, a jar of coffee and creamer is helpful. The best idea I’ve seen is, my mother in law took some food out of every food dish that came in. She labeled it and froze it. I had dinner so may times from those meals for the next several months. This was so wonderful when you are going thru the grieving process and come home exhausted from work and just can’t muster the energy to cook.
Lisa, thanks for sharing. What a thoughtful and great idea to freeze smaller portions for you. The grieving process can be overwhelming so how nice to come home to a home cooked meal without having to cook. I’m sorry for your loss and hope that memories of your loved one warm your heart and bring you peace today.
I always take coffee, non dairy creamer, sugar, paper plates, plastic forks, napkins and cups for hot drinks. I have a pound cake recipe that is fantastic and freezes well. As a matter of fact it is better after its frozen. I keep one in the freezer and when we loose a friend, I run to the store and get all of the above and add the cake and put in a nice basket along with a sympathy card. If someone passes and you are busy with something else, you can do this in no time and with very little effort as long as thwpe cake is in the freezer.
I love the idea of having a frozen pound cake on hand in the freezer! Your suggestions are so thoughftul and I am sure very much appreciated by the recipients!
Send this beautiful personalized tree certificate to your family, friends, or loved ones, to show your expression of sympathy or in recognition of a special occasion.
When you don’t know what to say at times of loss, let the caring words in this sympathy gift in one say it for you.
A vibrant, beautiful tree benefits everyone in this and future generations and it is perhaps the most fitting memorial of all. Planting a tree is an act of direct benefit to all.
Honor your friends and loved ones with the gift of trees.
In lieu of sending flowers, planting a tree is a wonderful way to memorialize any lost loved one.
http://www.atreeinstead.com
Elaine, these are wonderful ideas. I’ve been disappointed by those floral services too many times. Best to do some research and deal directly with a reputable florist in the town than to call an 800 number or order online.
Thanks Jean. Glad you you liked the post.
There is a new product out called memorial cubes. They are customized to each person. They take pictures and poems and put them on glass cubes and then put lights inside. They are amazing. You can get them at http://www.memorialcubes.com. The best part is they are less expensive than flowers!!
Love your ideas
One of my friend kid gave her engraved bracelet with her grandma handwriting from one of the greeting cards that she was given 20 years ago .. thought would be great idea for remembering someone.
https://www.nameplatedepot.com/handwriting-bracelet-p/lc009.htm
I have started sending a beautiful wind chime to the bereaved family. I chose one with a wooden clapper and I put the name and dates of the deceased on the clapper. Cut an 81/2”X11” sheet of freezer paper and using a couple of strips of double-stick tape, stick it to a sheet of regular paper, shiny side up. Reverse print your sentiment on the freezer paper. The printing will not dry so be careful. Cut the paper to fit the clapper and carefully tape it print side down. Burnish the printed area with a hard piece of plastic like a gift card. Flip the paper up using the tape as a hinge to make sure it transfers. Let dry completely. Spray with sealant.
When my Dad died I spent two weeks with my Mom. The night of the funeral she had quite a few people, friends and church members who came to visit and sit with her a while. I offered a cup of coffee to the group and they all said yes because it was February and very cold. I went out to the kitchen and there was only a little bit of instant coffee, sugar and only skim milk. Ever since then, when I have to take something to a family who has lost a loved one, I take a home made pound cake, which I keep frozen in the freezer, coffee, sugar, creamer, dessert sized paper plates, plastics vo4ks and spoons and napkins all in a box wrapped in white paper.i have received quite a few comments on how handy this box was. It is easy and quick to assemble and you can buy the cake.
I love the idea of taking pound cake and all of the extras such as plates, silverware, napkins, coffee, etc. to a grieving friend. Such a thoughtful gift! Thank you for sharing Joyce.
When I lost my mom we received many flowers arrangements which was such a beautiful sentiment from each person and greatly appreciated. I do not have a green thumb by no choice of my own I just can’t seem to keep anything alive (sadly I have even killed a cactus ??♀️) and felt terrible knowing people spent so much money on the arrangements and they only lasted a few days. After my mom passed I began finding pennies everywhere. It was then I created a shadow box to hold my moms little “hellos”. Almost everyone I know knows about “pennies from heaven” so I began sending these shadow boxes as gifts after friends/family suffered a loss. I received such great feedback that I decided to open a store on Etsy. The shadow boxes are a unique gift that will be around for years to come.
My father passed away at the end of November. We received a beautiful green wreath delivered from LLBean. The wreath lasted until the end of March
I am sorry for the loss of your father. I love the idea of unusual gifts in memory of loved ones. Thanks for sharing the wreath idea!